Brockport Madness

Like all men experience once in their lives, I am taking a bus from Rochester to New York after being stranded in upstate New York. I am using this time to do the only thing I know how; write articles for my blog about the Smithtown Football League.

Justin Lowry and AJ Center suffered a stroke of bad luck on their way to Brockport College this weekend. On their way to visit their dear friend Dom at College, Justin and AJ found themselves stranded on the bottom of a hill in Syracuse after their car broke down. Any time they tried to start the car it would sputter and crack rapidly without being able to drive. Justin called his dad (a man who used to sell cars and knows a fair deal about them) who said he was busy and later texted him back telling him “You’re fucked”

Justin then got help from the only other father figure he has, Frank AKA Charlie from Charlie’s angels. Charlie made a few phone calls and called Justin’s Uncle Nick, a standup student at Syracuse University. Uncle Nick ,who only lives 3 miles away from the site of the breakdown, came to the boys rescue. They were found freezing to death in a ditch in the frigid upstate climate. Uncle Nick brought them to his apartment (along with his beautiful mistress) and gave them food and shelter. While Nick took care of the boys Dom borrowed a car from somebody he had never met and embarked on the 2 hour drive to Syracuse. Dom arrived with his friend Chuck and picked up Justin and AJ who took Dom to their broken car. They took everything they could out of the car as they were originally planning on burning it and forgetting anything ever happened. After arriving at Brockport they realized this was an incredibly stupid idea and decided to just call a mechanic.

Justin spent the day calling mechanics in Syracuse while AJ sat in the disgusting Dorm and drank Olde English to pass the time. Justin joined them and brought bad news; he had pissed off all the tow truck drivers in Syracuse and couldn’t find a way to get it towed. This forced AJ to do some things he’s not proud of to raise money to get to Rochester where his father had called in bus tickets for them.

With the gas money secured Dom was able to borrow another student’s car (apparently upstate kids are just willing to lend their vehicles to anyone who asks). On the way to the car Dom had the following dialogue with AJ:
Dom: “You owe me uh lot uh money Centuh”
AJ: “Dom I already gave you $60 for coming to pick us up”
Dom: “ I had to pay X* amount to the kid to borrow his car and I had to pay for gas. I’ll tell you what, gimme $10 and we’ll call it even.”
AJ: “No Dom”
Dom: “5 dollas and well call it even”
AJ: “No Dom”

*X always equals 10 dollars more than the last time he said it

AJ and Justin were able to escape from the shit hole that is Brockport College and make it to the bus station where they met an interesting character. They met a short, balding middle aged man who was carrying a shopping bag full of clothes and sported a brand new pair of baby blue Jordans. “Aw man I need this twenty from this guy who owes me money to get out of here. I only got a dollar. I’m thinking about just returning these clothes to the mall and getting my money back. Why you got an onion sack man?” It should be noted this man never tried to sell anything or ask for money, he was just bathshit insane. And Justin actually was carrying an onion sack.