Fasano, Naja suspened until further notice

Joseph Fasano has been suspended from the SNG until further notice. When head coach Dan Lubarda was asked about what spurred this move he said Joe Fasano was in violation of team rules for two counts of being a pussy,one count of being a fat piece of shit and one count for testing negative for any performance enhancing drugs.

When SFL reporters interviewed Joseph he came to the door with pupils the size of quarters. While obviously intoxicated off of the sticky icky Joe had this to say,"I had a perfectly legitamite excuse for not being at the game, I was sick, I mean I had baseball tryouts... you guys wanna hit this?" After refusing Joe's offer of the devil's lettuce SFL reporter left to go meet Nick Naja.

Nick Naja was suspended from his refereeing duties earlier today. His terrible officiating caused many a riot on the field of the SNG vs. Itallion Stallions game. Not only this but after watching the game film it appears Nicholas motioned for a face mask call after every penalty. Combine this with intermitent penalty calling and his on-again off-again style of pass rush counting and you have yourself a stew made to serve a terrible game. Although SFL reporters went to Nick's house for an interview they were not able to understand any of the "words" he said.

SNG Given award by United Nations

3 hours after the debut of the SFL everyone expected the Serbian National Gaurd to unanimously be declared the best team in the SFL. What they didn't expect was for the SNG to receive an award from the United Nations for being the greatest group of people ever assembled.

Dom, Vinny. Colby, Dan and Craig all received congressional medals of honor to go along with the UN recognition. "We're simply the best people alive," said SNG's Vincent Alestra, "I would be surprised if the rest of the SFL even decided to finish out the season knowing they have to go against us."

The Serbian National Gaurd rolled over all its competition beating the Canadian bumblefucks 5-1 and then going on to defeat the Italion Stallions 48-3. Recently blonde reporter Brittney Reishel had this to say,"What we saw today was simply the better team winning. The competition couldn't compete with the Serbian's closing speed. I would also like to add that the penis sizes of the SNG greatly exceed any other team."

The SNG is expected to cap off the eventful day with a rave at Colby David's house.

Dom Giamis: MVP Candidate

As many would have expected Dom Giamis is chasing another MVP season. The only Section XI all-county player currently in the league, Dom possesses incredible talent and great potential. Current pre-season polls have him with about 1/3 of the vote. He is,however, trailing Serbian National Guard teammate Dan Lubarda by about 16% of the vote.

One concern is that his all-county award will "go to his head", so to speak. Smithtown West Bull teammate Mario Franco has this to say about Dominic,"The kids a pussy. He thinks he's better than everyone cause hes got a damn all-county award. Well I got news for you, I'll kick the shit out of Giamis any day of the week." Mario then proceeded to comment on where he would like to stick his all-county award when he's done with him.

Dominic's biggest liability is possibly his refraining from using performance enhancing drugs. "The SFL encourages the use of performance enhancing drugs, mainly steroids," league commissioner Andrew Staake comments,"The league has gotten to the point where you don't have a fighting chance unless you're sticking a needle in your ass." Dom thus far has made the controversial choice to keep his ass needle free.

BAPE Announces Sponsorship of Serbian National Gaurd

After much deliberation BAPE has announced its intent to sponsor the SNG in this upcoming SFL season. BAPE will supply the SNG with team uniforms. They will also supply commemorative gloves and cleats, even though they will not be allowed gametime.

"I'm truly excited about this collaboration. I think BAPE brings a fresh edge to our team that nobody expected," says Serbian National Gaurd Colonel Dan Lubarda. Nigo, founder of A Bathing Ape, also seems excited about the partnership. "I think this sponsorship is beneficial for both parties. We get to spread our name through what is possibly the best football team in the Western Hemisphere and also get to help the SNG defeat certain teams who draft players who wear fape clothing."

Frank: Friend or Foe?

As you all know, Frank "Cap Rooney" Garofolo has been a productive member of the SFL for 16 straight seasons. He's shown Brett Farve-esque moments; starting 392 straight games straight. Frank has recently pledged to return for a 17th season despite a torn meniscus. We all know he has veteran savvy not seen since the days of Andre "Black Balled" 3000 but will his draft stock hold up despite his injury concerns?

The answers to these questions are clouded with speculation and won't be answered until monday when the draft will officially take place. If Cap Rooney's knee holds up throughout the season he could be a major steal. This is a returning player who owns 12 SFL Championship rings, although controversially has never won a single accolade.

His mental state has been widely speculated upon by many experts. After being the man to throw the ball on the notorious "Chris Lynch Play" one has to wonder whether or not he can every possess the gunslinger attitude he once made famous. Senior analyst Vincent Alestra has this to say on the situation,"Yea man, Frank Garofolo, average player man, never deserved to get any awards man, he bailed man, he ran for the hills once the team took a single false step." There is, however, concern that this interview was also conducted with a drunk Peter Cerullo in a bear costume.

Editorial written by Dan Lubarda
"Save a tree, save a life"

XFL: Big or Biggest Group of Pussies Ever?

Like any highly exclusive group, the SFL had to leave out a few people who felt like they should be included. I, like any other self respecting man, would have seen that his decision was made due to my own inadequacies and would work hard to make the cut next year. However there is a man feeding off the anger of disgruntled players who felt they should have been included in the SFL draft. This man, a so called "Ryan Mccean", decided to start his own touch football league, name the XFL. The spawn of this league brings one main question to the table, what does the x stand for? Senior analyist Matt Morgan says their acronym could only stand for Xtremely stupid Football League.

Mr Mccean agreed to an interview with SFL reporters. In true pussy fashion Ryan showed up 15 minutes early in a bear costume that reached of vodka. When asked what provoked him to create a touch football league Ryan answered,"Yea man I just wanted to let the players play and the coaches coach man." Another major question asked to Mr. Mccean was what qualified him to run a league of this magnitude, to which he responded,"Yea man I'm money with the commissioning."

There is ,however, a growing concern that the man at this interview was just a drunk Peter Cerullo in a bear costume. This would explain why he wore a bear costume, arrived 15 minutes early and answered questions with very vague statements.

Draft Set to Begin Monday night

As we all know the advent of the SFL season is soon approaching. The draft time has officially been set for monday night at an undisclosed location. The security is expected to be very tight with a shoot on site order given to all officers. Only a select few people have been invited and me being one of them, I know that everyone at the meeting will have to take an oath of secrecy to never speak about what happens there.

There is expected to be much tension over the captain choices, most of all the decision to allow a person born in a foreign country to captain a team in the form of Brett Madaraz age 23, a New Zealand native. When the SFL reporter crew got in contact with SFL commissioner Andrew Staake he said he had no comment on the topic and refused a meeting request.

Editorial written by Dan Lubarda

Let The Games Begin

As I type from my cold, musty basement I find one hope in my life. One thought that brings me joy. The upcoming draft of the SFL West. Like anything, this excitement doesn't come without it's tough issues. We have to address topics like blitzes, sneaks and the all important self pass. Likely the most controversial issue, this strategy was utilized by hall of fame quarterback, Dan "The Montonegrian Monster" Lubarda. It was used to single handedly defeat Steaks team while half of the Montonegrian Monster's receiving core was out with melanoma. The self pass has been scrutinized ever since and will likely be voted as illegal by Steak's pawns who he plays off as captains.

Editorial written by Dan Lubarda