Article guest written by former SFL Quarterback and current Head Coach of Florida Atlantic Football, Frank "Cap Rooney" Garofalo
As The Serbian National Guards Draft Day Concludes here is a scouting report and draft recap.
Pick 1 - Vinny Alestra
Pick 2 - Glen Trovato
Pick 3 - Craig Maturro
Pick 4 - Kevin (Rights Traded To Brett For Shane "Shug" Filomena)
Pick 5 - Morgan (Rights Traded To Brett for Joe Stefurak)
Pick 6 - Steve Farley
Draft Grade - B+
There are some familiar faces on the SNG for the third year in a row. While their offensive system has been known to allow almost anyone succeed, will they finally get over the hump and win the big game? New Playmakers like Stefurak and Filomena bode well for those chances. Glenn Trovato Brings a pass rush that former Linebacker Dominic Giamis never could do aswell as Sal.
Now for the player reports...
Vincent Alestra - DB/WR
Solid Cornerback skills with abover average recieving ability. Known to not open his mouth and easily get back with his girlfriend, Vinny creates the biggest matchup problems for opposing defenses. He has big strong hands (?) and can make plays in traffic. Should Have started over Gatto on defense last year.
Glencent Trovato LB/?
While hes been known to hook up with girls who arent exactly good looking, Glenn is a much better linebacker than former SNG player Dominic Giaimis. Brings a good pass rush from the strong side and doesn't really have a position on offense. Being creative with Glen's ability on defense should be the key to the Guards winning chances
Craig Maturro RB/LB/S/Defensive MidfieldA four year varisty letterman Craig slips to the bottom of the third round due to concerns about how much longer he can bring it. After reconciling a once great friendship and carpool this summer I am confident Craig, and his signature steel toe boots, will come to life on the new turf surface. Arguably the most talented player in the league, the Guard gets a steal.
Shane "Sugar Ray Leonard Robinson Knight Leinart Favre" Filomena WR/RB/LB/Back-up QBDuring the summer it looked as if Shane was a surefire first round pick. Once I left for Boca things changed. Shane lost his swagg and it's still up for debate if he can get it back. He hasn't hooked up with one girl since I've moved here, and that obviously will effect his preformace. A once dominant pass rusher with great sarcasm has been no where to be found. Can he get his pitch back? Or will he bust prematurely? Shane could be an XFactor if he returns to form
Joe Stefurak Slot WR/H-Back
The fastest and most athletic player in the SFL has recently had his sexuality in question by the likes of seniors 07 on his facebook. However Gay or not Joes playmaking ability out of the slot is unquestioned. Joe provides a safety blanket and precise route running that will be big in the red zone and third downs. Look for Joe to flirt with 50 receptions 850 yards and possibly opposing players.
Steve Farely RB/Sneaky Linebacker
There was once a point where no one really knew how to use Farlz, then came "the Run" and the rest was history. Best used in the run-option attack Farleys dangerous out of the backfield as both a runner and a passer, if hes drunk and has a whistle, forget about it. Off-field distractions such as his invovlement in the Eric Uncle Luke Collins case makes me wonder if Farley will be focused enough to produce this season
Dan Lubarda Team Captain* QB/LB
The only true dual threat QB in the leaugue (I know theres others, Fuck Them) Dan looks for his best season yet with a now stellar defense for support. With innaccuracy lapses seem to plauge him at one time he will likely rely heavily on his run game with his ailing hip. A full offseason with SFL legend John Vansan may be the recipe for a breakout passing year..(?) A grizzled veteran in this league now this may be Dans last chance at a ring and winning back Alisa.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Monday, October 19, 2009
SFL Starts Again, Minotaurs is a Gay Team Name
Tonight marked the start of a new SFL season with the draft. But more importantly Minotaurs is an extremely gay name for a football team.
Taylor Miranda had this to say,"I can't believe Brett actually named his team the Minotaurs. He must be a fucking faggot. Now I'm never gonna get laid in college."(Yes Brett had sex with Taylor Miranda). Taylor wasn't the only one disappointed with Brett's flaming homosexuality. "Team showers won't be the same anymore," said football teammate Craig,"and to think I asked him to fill in for me in today's shower football game."
Fellow Minotaur Christian Randell had this to say,"I feel ashamed to have a fairy as a captain. I mean I've been known to strap down a lounge chair and watch naked shower football but that's all in good fun. I pound vajin all day."
Along with the teams fudgepounding, the Minotuars are set to be the worst team in the league. After losing their leading scorer Willy "Ball Licker" Rueda the Minotuars aren't expected to move the ball on any team this year. The only balls the Minotuars expect to move is when Brett tucks his sack for his gay role playing with teammates Wayne "Faggot Bitch" Marx and Greg "Ass Pounder" Holst.
sng 09
Taylor Miranda had this to say,"I can't believe Brett actually named his team the Minotaurs. He must be a fucking faggot. Now I'm never gonna get laid in college."(Yes Brett had sex with Taylor Miranda). Taylor wasn't the only one disappointed with Brett's flaming homosexuality. "Team showers won't be the same anymore," said football teammate Craig,"and to think I asked him to fill in for me in today's shower football game."
Fellow Minotaur Christian Randell had this to say,"I feel ashamed to have a fairy as a captain. I mean I've been known to strap down a lounge chair and watch naked shower football but that's all in good fun. I pound vajin all day."
Along with the teams fudgepounding, the Minotuars are set to be the worst team in the league. After losing their leading scorer Willy "Ball Licker" Rueda the Minotuars aren't expected to move the ball on any team this year. The only balls the Minotuars expect to move is when Brett tucks his sack for his gay role playing with teammates Wayne "Faggot Bitch" Marx and Greg "Ass Pounder" Holst.
sng 09
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Uncle luke arrested
Uncle luke aka eric collins has been arrested by smithtown west varsity head coach peter cerrolo. what cause uncle luke to be arrested was he made a movie in which he featured sevaral celbs like tamir scartana( who is the current drunk commisioner of the SFL and a member of the ministry of magic. shane sugar ray jackson lenert farve hittler filamina. dan lubarda former captain of the bellgrade bombers former commsioner of SFL, former minister of magic, current owner of the SNG.and last but not least the star steve farley who has been recently awarded the nobel peace prize for finding 12 uses for jew blood. he is current minister of magic.
the four were featured in a film where they traveled around long island to east islip where they encountered sean moller and his boys a fight erupted but offcourse with two former ministers of magic on there side they put up a good fight even tho they were out nummbered.
they had the last laugh by writing there famous quote "tell your boys i said whats up" steve farley had this to say
"the filming was long and hard like nick franks dick. but we got thru it."
the boys then retreated to hooters to sit back and have a couple of beers and fags (british word for cigs) with uncle luke paying.
A couple of weeks later uncle luke came to practice very happy as the jv cheerleaders walked by he got very happy and started to sniff around he smiled and said "smell that boys there assholes are still pink.
later after practice ended he showed the film to the team. the words that steve, tamir dan and shane put on the east islip score board were not there instead it read. EAST ISLIP EATS IT LIKE JAMIE HELLERMAN cerrolo was very unhappy with this he kicked uncle luke off the team.
cerrolo proceded to yell at the players he then called a meeting with the captains and said
"i kicked his fucking ass off man". uncle luke was unable to make a comment. local waterboy and team entertainer had this to say but he wishes for his idenity to reamain quite so we will refer to him as ipod "when he came on the team we loved him... mashmellow balls".
we will give u more on this story as it cums as of now uncle luke is on death row
Senior analyst Preston Tucker
the four were featured in a film where they traveled around long island to east islip where they encountered sean moller and his boys a fight erupted but offcourse with two former ministers of magic on there side they put up a good fight even tho they were out nummbered.
they had the last laugh by writing there famous quote "tell your boys i said whats up" steve farley had this to say
"the filming was long and hard like nick franks dick. but we got thru it."
the boys then retreated to hooters to sit back and have a couple of beers and fags (british word for cigs) with uncle luke paying.
A couple of weeks later uncle luke came to practice very happy as the jv cheerleaders walked by he got very happy and started to sniff around he smiled and said "smell that boys there assholes are still pink.
later after practice ended he showed the film to the team. the words that steve, tamir dan and shane put on the east islip score board were not there instead it read. EAST ISLIP EATS IT LIKE JAMIE HELLERMAN cerrolo was very unhappy with this he kicked uncle luke off the team.
cerrolo proceded to yell at the players he then called a meeting with the captains and said
"i kicked his fucking ass off man". uncle luke was unable to make a comment. local waterboy and team entertainer had this to say but he wishes for his idenity to reamain quite so we will refer to him as ipod "when he came on the team we loved him... mashmellow balls".
we will give u more on this story as it cums as of now uncle luke is on death row
Senior analyst Preston Tucker
Tamir Sartena Announces Commisionship
Tamir Sartena is coming to this commissioner spot with a lot of talent and experience. With a foot injury keeping him out of this seasons SFL league, Tamir has become the assistant drunk commissioner, drunk referee, and drunk announcer.
Many people were excited to hear this news. When asked about this steve farley wondered," Do we get to do the belly stretch now?" Though the excitement was in the air, Z-Rod had this to say, "This kids a dick. Everyday he tells me how he has naked pictures of my sister." (I think I speak for the league when I say Z-Rod is a fucking pussy) Tamir has two rules he's bringing to the leauge; no jews and NO dan fidgy (or christine dirr).
Tamir's stock is on the rise. Earlier this week his girlfriend, Rachel Boccard, had her braces removed. Steve Farley commented,"This is great for me. Now I don't have to worry about my foreskin getting caught on her braces." Mr. Farley may have been inebriated for this comment after he snorted a line of baby powder. When Tamir said he has no foreskin Steve Farley proceded to pull down his trousers to show off his newly shaven pubic area. "It makes me more aerodynamic when I fight"
With all this excitement it's hard to believe there are people who want to destroy the SFL. But recent reports indicate the East's Kevin Jones is working with Mike Remus to ruin all the joy and merriness of the Smithtown Football League. More on this story as it comes.
Many people were excited to hear this news. When asked about this steve farley wondered," Do we get to do the belly stretch now?" Though the excitement was in the air, Z-Rod had this to say, "This kids a dick. Everyday he tells me how he has naked pictures of my sister." (I think I speak for the league when I say Z-Rod is a fucking pussy) Tamir has two rules he's bringing to the leauge; no jews and NO dan fidgy (or christine dirr).
Tamir's stock is on the rise. Earlier this week his girlfriend, Rachel Boccard, had her braces removed. Steve Farley commented,"This is great for me. Now I don't have to worry about my foreskin getting caught on her braces." Mr. Farley may have been inebriated for this comment after he snorted a line of baby powder. When Tamir said he has no foreskin Steve Farley proceded to pull down his trousers to show off his newly shaven pubic area. "It makes me more aerodynamic when I fight"
With all this excitement it's hard to believe there are people who want to destroy the SFL. But recent reports indicate the East's Kevin Jones is working with Mike Remus to ruin all the joy and merriness of the Smithtown Football League. More on this story as it comes.
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