Ryan mckean is single/ministry of magic bankrupt/ frank in florida

its been a while since we last wrote an artical but fuck it i say. to bring you up to speed the ministry of magic went bankrupt a few mouths ago it fell apart when minister of magic steve farley fled to florida to get ready for college.

the biggest news since the ministry fell apart was Ryan mckean and jen attard finally ended their long term relationship of three years. the reason they broke up was because the cadets at VT were running train on her. former mail man/ ginger for the minitry of magic and current student brendon tompson had this to say "shit nigga she was going crazier then that asian that shot up VT a few years ago, she just started suck alot of cock".
jen got ryan hook into her clutches when she told him she was pregnant with his child in 9th grade.
once she had ryan under her spell she had an abortion and once has to wonder if ryan will hang himself like fellow smithtown student joe caniso( smithtowns retard)
ryan was interviewed he had one thing to say "i have been at WJ jerking off to prom pictures of me and her since i have been at school and this cunt has the nerve to let some rotc cadets run train on her this is bullshit". we could not agree more with ryan we encourage the public not to watch jen on her web cams because she will she wil rock u.

The former minister steve farley's new life at Ole MISS.

steve farley has addapted well to life in college he has met several young friends the group as formed the name the fellowship.

Jersey
his real name is seth but they call him jersey on the account that he is from New jersy. seth has had the most luck with the ladies and has pounded out a good amount of women. seth like under ground bands and also Justin Bieber. seth is a very good drinker and was the first friend that steve farley met on his journey. seth fucked up his shoulder and is unable to be in the marines.He is GPA is unknown.

Twitch
he is a country boy full and thru he like country music food and has a love for dipping. he lives near new orleans has a slight twitch in his eyes but is the most loyal member of the fellowship he went home over the weekend. he is very clean.

Brendan Gellerstein-
he is jewish and has taken the place of josh adwar and he is the roommate of steve farley.

mom
aka sterling he is a texas football player he has nice cowboy boots and a nack for taking care of members of the fellowsship

holister
he is moms room mate and has a very nice body that almost rivals that of the famous dan lubarda.

drama
he says funny thinngs and got arrested she is a smoker

london
from the united kingdom he is old and likes to drink

bones
he is a local enjoys long walks on the beach and fine wine

these are people in the fellow ship that the Daily Prophet will be writing about.

we will be writing weekly articals to appear on Sundays

Senior analyst Preston Tucker

Josh Picked Last Again; Sparks Flying in Pre-Season Rivalries

It should be no surprise to anybody who followed the SFL that Josh fell to the last pick again this season. Although he claims to be the tenth fastest player in the league, coaches simply didn't buy it. However, many speculate his pitiful draft stock is not due to his athleticism but his constant jew-whining.

This season will bring its fair share of rivalries, possibly the most in SFL history. Sunday will mark the first time Greg and Frank "Cap Rooney" will set foot on the same field together since their mid-season brawl last year. Although it may seem that Greg and Frank will be poised to fight again the real rivalry here is Frank and Craig. Ever since graduating Middle School Craig has relentlessly tried to ruin Franks life. During Frank's fight with Greg were it seemed Frank was going to demolish Greg and finally win the respect of his peers, Craig had the nerve to end the fight and pull Frank off of Greg. Look for Craig to go for Frank's bad knee this year in the SNG's first match up against the seasoned veteran.

Other rivalries are also afoot. Tamir, captain of the St. Louis Rolling Rock, made a groundbreaking move by drafting one of his own rivals in Tom Matherson. There is also expected to be mounds of sexual tension between Frank and Joe Stefurac, who has never been able to get Frank out of his mind after gently caressing his balls on the football field. The remaining rivalries can be summed up as follows:
Zack Naja v Nick Naja
Dan v Z-Rod
Shane v Neil
Josh v Jake Smith
Vanson v Everybody
Brad v Mariah

Coming Attractions at the Daily Prophet

Avid readers have much to be excited for in the coming weeks. The SFL's draft for its eighth took place today. This marks the start of a new season which will undoubtedly bring a plethora of drama for the Prophet to report.

As always, the SNG is head and shoulders above the competition in terms of skill. The SNG roster is as follows:
Dan*: QB/LB/FB
Vinny**: WR/CB
Craig: RB/CB
Shane***: RB/CB/QB
Glenn: TE/ LB
Stefurac: C/DC
Dimauro: LT/K
*:Last season's winner of the 'Joe Cipp' Award
**:Last season's winner of the 'Dom Giamis' Award
***:Feels he was the best player in the league two seasons ago

The SNG has the same starting five that won the original SFL championship, so logically they are guaranteed to win this season also.

Autistic Genocide Victim From Haiti Speaks Out

Article Removed at Request of Haitian Government

Authentic Joe Stefurac Jerseys Now On Sale

Back by popular demand, authentic jerseys of the all-pro center will go on sale this weekend for $5.

50% of all profits will go to autistic genocide victims in Haiti.

Hall of Famer Dom Giamis Returns to Serbia; All Organs Intact

Ex-Guardsmen Dom Giamis has left his football career at Brockport in order to pursue another SFL championship in Serbia. Many thought Dom's SFL career was over when he offered to sell his organs for a relatively small amount of money.

When asked if his organs are still for sale Dom responded,"You got three dollas? I'll sell you a kidney for three dollas." Daily Prophet reporters then inquired as to whether the risk of an illegal organ trade was worth three dollars to which Mr. Giamis answered,"Brad's dad is the chief of the Commack police it's straight, it's straight."

Although obviously hard pressed for money, Dom is enojying living among his fellow slavic people.

SNG Taking Touch Football Too Seriously, Causing Major Psychological Damage

The SFL stated in a press release today that the SNG is a disgrace to the league. "They aren't winning because of talent anymore, they're winning because they are taunting and ridiculing other teams to the point where they can't function." This practice has been called "dangerous" and "mean".

Rolling Rock captain Tamir Sartana says that the SNG has gone far and is "causing major psychological damage" to his team. Tamir says that he is constantly having to stop teammates from causing bodily harm to themselves. This, however, can be attributed to a single player who has always started cutting himself once he's got a few brews in him.

There may be some merit to Tamir's claim; SFL statisticians say that there has been a 300% increase in the amount of players medicated for depression since the beginning of the season, while the SNG has seen no increase in medication and a decrease in the amount of times their girlfriends cheat on them.

When asked if he is taking the taunting too far, SNG captain Dan Lubarda said, "I play for keeps."