Josh Picked Last Again; Sparks Flying in Pre-Season Rivalries

It should be no surprise to anybody who followed the SFL that Josh fell to the last pick again this season. Although he claims to be the tenth fastest player in the league, coaches simply didn't buy it. However, many speculate his pitiful draft stock is not due to his athleticism but his constant jew-whining.

This season will bring its fair share of rivalries, possibly the most in SFL history. Sunday will mark the first time Greg and Frank "Cap Rooney" will set foot on the same field together since their mid-season brawl last year. Although it may seem that Greg and Frank will be poised to fight again the real rivalry here is Frank and Craig. Ever since graduating Middle School Craig has relentlessly tried to ruin Franks life. During Frank's fight with Greg were it seemed Frank was going to demolish Greg and finally win the respect of his peers, Craig had the nerve to end the fight and pull Frank off of Greg. Look for Craig to go for Frank's bad knee this year in the SNG's first match up against the seasoned veteran.

Other rivalries are also afoot. Tamir, captain of the St. Louis Rolling Rock, made a groundbreaking move by drafting one of his own rivals in Tom Matherson. There is also expected to be mounds of sexual tension between Frank and Joe Stefurac, who has never been able to get Frank out of his mind after gently caressing his balls on the football field. The remaining rivalries can be summed up as follows:
Zack Naja v Nick Naja
Dan v Z-Rod
Shane v Neil
Josh v Jake Smith
Vanson v Everybody
Brad v Mariah

Coming Attractions at the Daily Prophet

Avid readers have much to be excited for in the coming weeks. The SFL's draft for its eighth took place today. This marks the start of a new season which will undoubtedly bring a plethora of drama for the Prophet to report.

As always, the SNG is head and shoulders above the competition in terms of skill. The SNG roster is as follows:
Dan*: QB/LB/FB
Vinny**: WR/CB
Craig: RB/CB
Shane***: RB/CB/QB
Glenn: TE/ LB
Stefurac: C/DC
Dimauro: LT/K
*:Last season's winner of the 'Joe Cipp' Award
**:Last season's winner of the 'Dom Giamis' Award
***:Feels he was the best player in the league two seasons ago

The SNG has the same starting five that won the original SFL championship, so logically they are guaranteed to win this season also.